He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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