He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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