either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
