They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
