I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
