clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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