Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
