Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
