You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
