I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
