I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
