How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
