I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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