I just found puke in my bra..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
