there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
