You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
