he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
