if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
