I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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