I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
