this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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