I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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