we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
