What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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