Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
