He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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