living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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