they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
