I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
