Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
