I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
