they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
