shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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