I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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