I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
