Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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