Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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