what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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