Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
