i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
