I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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