Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
