pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
