Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
