i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
