he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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