he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
