They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
