Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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