There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She bit a glass in half.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
