I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
